Sunday, February 22, 2015

Getting over my Cinderella Complex




Charlotte: It's because women really just want to be rescued.

Carrie: (voiceover) There it was. The sentence independent single women in their thirties are never supposed to think, let alone say out loud.

Charlotte: I'm sorry but it's true. I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?

Miranda: Who? The white knight?

Samantha: That only happens in fairy tales.


Have you ever had the feeling that you should be farther in life or your journey than you currently are? You are doing all the right things, but there is something, some obstacle that is holding you back. You do not consciously know what this obstacle is, but you know that its there?

Yeah well I had been feeling that very strongly during all of 2014. I had been divorced for over a year, I was accepted into Graduate school, I re-structured my inner circle and have nothing but smart business driven people around me, and I have done a lot of work to explore and work towards becoming my authentic self. Financially and emotionally though it seems as though nothing has changed. I have made some positive steps towards a more financially and emotionally strong life, but I am no where near where I feel like I should be. WTF is going on?!?!

I call her Cinderella. The side of my personality that expects someone to come in and rescue me. If I am unhappy I don't have to cheer myself up because someone else will do it. If I am in debt I don't have to work to get out of it because someone else will come along and pay it off. Largely though she tells me that I am not strong enough to take control of my life so just wait because someone else will do it.

 At the end of 2014 I self-diagnosed myself with having a Cinderella complex (I thought this this was an original idea, but after I Googled it I found out on Wikipedia that the term Cinderella complex was first described by Colette Dowling, who wrote a book on women's fear of independence – an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others.) I am a smart educated woman who is healthy physically and mentally, I have great friends, and a great family, but yet financially and emotionally I have never been solely responsible for myself and unconsciously I continued to expect someone else to take care of me. 

This makes complete sense! As a child my favorite movie was Cinderella. I have literally watched that move over 30 times (I know because I kept track of it in my journal).Cinderella was intelligentbeautifulfeisty, an animal over (all of which I could relate to), but she was trapped in a life that was unhealthy and the only way that she was able to escape from it was because Prince Charming decided that he loved her and swept her away to his castle. 

Without going into too much Psychoanalysis about my childhood, in many ways I was always taught that it was a man's job to take care of me. I never learned how to be a whole person myself and I was always looking for a partner to "complete me". When I found myself single again, I had to confront some deeply rooted beliefs that I had about myself and my responsibility for my life and I realized that I have never 100% fully taken charge of my money, my thoughts, my emotions and my choices. Because of this I have not progressed as much as I could have. 

I am on currently on the road to recovery. I have realized that the stick my head the in sand approach to my life was not working. No one was coming to my door trying to stick my foot into a glass slipper. I have to become my own Prince Charming. 

I have taken an inventory in the ways that I have let others control my life. I have begun to internalize the message that "I am worthy, I am strong, and I am in control of my life". Good or bad I need to be honest about where I am currently and where I want to be and then have the courage to take the steps to get there. I have learned to be confident enough to say no to the people, beliefs, and situations that do not serve me and to say "Yes!" to the one's that do. My happiness is no one else's responsibility but my own.

Thanks Prince Charming, but I can put on my own damn shoes ;-)

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2 comments:

  1. It is excellent to evolve into your own being. It is one of the most rewarding experiences to have on this Soul Journ that we call life.

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    Replies
    1. I couldn't agree more! Thanks for reading.

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